By: Kierstin Tonic
Just because they are adults doesn’t mean you worry less.
Having older children isn’t a breeze by any means. The tweens to teens, teens to adults come with their own trials. Trust me, parenting at this stage is not for the faint of heart.
My first baby is now 21 years old. I was blessed with a beautiful, talented, opinionated, outspoken, highly intelligent, hard working young lady....who at times has given me heart attacks and heart break.
I now worry that she will have challenges similar (and greater) to mine. I have gone to great lengths to keep her from making the some of the same mistakes I did. Don’t apply for more credit than you can pay back, watch your expenses, watch the company you keep, be protected and get tested, don’t mix your liquor. But you know what, it’s inevitable. You’re not living life if you don’t make mistakes.
She has already learned some hard lessons. Friends have already shown their true colors or proved to be just for a season. Jobs and opportunities have passed by. All while finding out the people who you think are supposed to be your cheerleaders are excessively negative and miserable. She has certainly taken some hits but her come back had always been strong.
Our jobs as parents to adult children don’t just stop because they are legal adults. I keep seeing this meme saying something like if your parents do things for you when your over 18 it’s only out of love. I can hear the collective “mmm hmm” and “I know that’s right”. It seems as if this mean is saying on the backhand that once you hit 18 you shouldn’t need your parents. That is the furthest from the truth. I can personally attest to that. I lived with my mom for 5 years after getting divorced and changing careers. If it
wasn’t for her I would have ended up living out of my car. Of course she “only” did it out of love! That’s what parents are called to do.
So when my daughter had her first major adult pitfall, I went and got my baby by any means necessary. If any of y’all have experienced mom rage you know what I’m talking about. Was I ready for her to come home when she did? No, but shit happens. Did she expect to have to come home in the first place? Of course not but shit happens.
I let my daughter come home not just because I love her but because I see a hardworking, resilient young lady trying to lay the groundwork for her life even after it just slapped her in the face. Please note: I would never encourage a parent to enable their child if they are just being slackers who don’t want to help themselves. But sometimes bringing them home empowers by giving them a comfortable and safe place to plant their feet for a moment.
In four months this kid and landed a great job, a place and car of her own, has started catching up with her already established business and is creating a plan for a product line.
According to this meme she should be respecting me because I didn’t have to help since she is over 18. The way I see it I had to do it solely because of my love for her.
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