By: Alishia McAdams
2019 broke me.👀
It’s the year I had to face every single fear and feel every emotion.🥴
I’ve been “strong” since I was a little girl. I had to be. Consequently, that’s the only thing I’ve felt. Even when I was angry or sad I’d quickly pull myself together and remind me “Alishia, you have to be strong. There are no options. You can’t fall apart and handle business. Be strong!” 💪🏼
Here comes 2019. On January 1st I had a 4 day old baby. On February 9th (or so) I was diagnosed with postpartum depression. On March 31st I lost my Shirley Jean. On May 20th (or so) I left my stable Human Resources job after 8 years (which is super long for me). 5 months into 2019 my life changed so many ways I couldn’t wrap my mind around it all.🙃
I questioned every single decision I’d made. Every one. I felt lost. I tried to default to “strong” Alishia but she was nowhere to be found. I’d suddenly become acquainted with vulnerable, scared Alishia. I didn’t even know who she was. I couldn’t recall ever feeling these things.😫
One day I realized I’d broke. I couldn’t fix anything. I couldn’t pull from within. I thought I was losing my mind. Being that naked was just strange. Then it hit me; I had to break. I had to soften. I had to be flexible. I had to be pliable to be rebuilt. What I thought was taking me out was actually building me up.🙄
29 days into 2020 I’m a little more comfortable in my vulnerability. I’m asking for help. I’m acknowledging I can’t fix everything. I’m working to be okay in weakness. It’s weird, still but it’s needed. If you’re still reading, try it. So many of us are a unfamiliar to ourselves due to life. This year, rediscover you and find your authentic self. That’s what the world needs.🖤
Until the next time....
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